Just recently, at the tender age of 49, I started to contemplate what it means to trust myself. I never gave it a thought until I was watching the TV show Call the Midwife. Have you ever seen it? It’s so good. It’s filled with wonderful stories that remind us of all that women have undergone—not only in childbirth, but also in motherhood, friendship, community, and of course, the challenging gender terrain women navigate to balance being seen as “soft,” nurturing, quiet leaders in the home, and virtuous—all while men are held to nowhere near the same standards.

At the start of each storyline is the soothing voiceover of Vanessa Redgrave guiding us to and through the story. And in one instance, I remember her saying that the midwife has to learn how to trust herself. I’m not exactly sure what happened (as there have been 15 seasons and countless episodes), but I believe a midwife’s actions had been called into question. She was not in the wrong, but it was an event anyone could identify with.

When My Teaching Was Questioned

I can remember a time when I was a teacher. I taught social studies, and each class started with current events. At this time, an event had happened that involved a group of African American teens versus a group of White teens. The African American students in my class wanted to discuss the events. I knew that I was in a school where the racial demographic was mixed. The conversation would not be well received—not by the students, but by the parents, I feared.

So I did my research and discussed the event carefully, relating it to what we were already studying: slavery and its aftereffects, including racial tensions in America. The students discussed it, and we moved on.

A parent later on was not happy. One parent.

I was called into the principal’s office with the parent and the curriculum supervisor. After everything was investigated, I was relieved of any wrongdoing or any perceived intentions of trying to influence students.

I knew my intentions were to honor the conversations and validation of my African American students while staying in line with my teaching obligations and keeping the classroom climate welcoming. I planned for days how to discuss this. But my teaching was questioned. This shook me for a moment. Was I any good? Was I trying to influence? No, I was not. If I was a male teacher, would he have cared? I don’t know.

My first lesson in trusting myself.

When My Expertise Was Dismissed

Just recently, I worked with a CEO who hired me for marketing work and would not take my expertise. Basic marketing knowledge—he was like, “No, don’t want to do that. It will interfere with the customer experience.”

Sure, he has every right to make this decision as the CEO, but why did you hire me? If I was a man, would he have listened? I think so. He seemed to value the opinions of other males there.

How I Learned to Trust Myself

I don’t think I really leaned into self-trust as I have now. With each experience God has sent me, I have learned this lesson. And with each experience, I have learned to:

1. Reflect on all things that happened – Was there good and bad?
2. Assess room for improvement – Where could I grow?
3. Examine my intentions – What was I trying to accomplish?
4. Consider harm – Was anyone harmed under my control?
5. Give myself credit for the good – Really recognize and honor all the good things that came from my involvement. No minimizing.
6. Remember when I’ve done well before – Add to the parts where I did well this time.
7. Give myself credit and grace – Lean into the emotional experiences of the good more than the bad.

Your Turn

Self-trust isn’t about being perfect. It’s about knowing you showed up with integrity—even when others questioned you. It’s about honoring your intentions, learning from your mistakes, and refusing to shrink when your expertise is dismissed.

You are allowed to trust yourself. You always were.

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