I started motherhood as a single mother, so let me put that out there as a disclaimer.
When I tuned in to watch Margo’s Got Money Troubles, I had no idea how much I would identify with the storylines. No, I’ve never had an OnlyFans account or anything similar. But beyond that, all that comes with becoming an unwed single mother? Yeah — all of that I still felt, and that was almost thirty years ago.
My feelings about the show also sit on the heels of watching the last season of Call the Midwife. Margo’s situation could have easily been placed into that show — and dare I say, it already has been in many ways. It is the age-old experience of a woman finding out she is pregnant and unmarried. Society still has not found a way to make the man — the one she created this child with — carry the same stigma or emotional burden as the woman.
Maybe we need some kind of AI tool for that. Once a woman becomes pregnant, the sperm donor in question should receive some type of zing or zap if he refuses to stand beside her and help move the process forward.
Again, let me remind you: I am speaking as someone who experienced the deadbeat baby daddy situation firsthand. I also experienced having to tell my parents that their daughter’s detour out of college also included an unexpected detour into motherhood.
The biological contributor felt nowhere near the guilt that I did. Not because I was ashamed of my child, but because I was afraid of how people would see me. It sounds ridiculous now. Who cares what people think?
But there it was. At 21 years old, I cared deeply.
Mostly, I cared what my family would think, and the thought of disappointing them stung more than anything else.
Now that I’m older, I understand why people believe having a child without a plan, marriage, or financial security is not ideal. Even for adults with full-time jobs, motherhood changes everything, and support is often still needed. Entering motherhood shifts everyone’s life, married or not.
But what can change is the audible gasp. The guttural feeling of shock and despair people project onto women when they find out they are pregnant and unmarried.
Babies are joyful.
And with community support, things can work out.
Babies eventually grow up, go to school, and what do you know, life goes on. The family gains a new addition, and oftentimes the mother gains a new sense of inspiration and motivation, too. I know that’s what happened for me.
It all worked out for my good.
And sometimes I wish that had been the message I received back then. It would have made forgiving myself feel far less necessary for something that was never truly unforgivable in the first place.