I tried to create my dream man from a checklist.

I can’t help it — I’m a list maker. I love the satisfaction of checking things off and feeling productive. Lists keep me organized. They help me feel intentional. So when it came to determining what I wanted in a mate, making a list felt like the most logical place to start.

In high school, my list focused on what my ideal partner should look like — and yes, even smell like. In college, it evolved, but not by much. Then I became a single mama, and I threw the whole list away and started over.

The new list began with one major must-have: a full-time job with benefits.

While I did eventually get that, I’ve come to realize… I need more than that.

The “list” trope is familiar, and it makes an appearance in Relationship Goals, starring Kelly Rowland and Method Man. On the surface, the movie explores three relationship categories: single, dating with the intention to marry, and single but tired of being single. But underneath that surface, the writers dig into something deeper — the internal work required when we’re searching for love.

Because often, the search isn’t just about finding someone else. It’s about looking at ourselves.

For some, relationship reflection turns into dagger-throwing at anyone who contributed to our hurt or pain. I understand that. I’ve done it too. But as I approach fifty, I’m realizing that approach doesn’t account for the people who are able to find loving, supportive relationships. If even one outlier exists, then I can’t make blanket statements about what is or isn’t possible for me.

The writers lean into that tension. The film encourages self-reflection and asks us to examine the deeper issues connected to not getting what we say we want. It also explores the ways we actively ignore — or block — our own healing. I saw that most clearly in Leah’s character. She is oblivious to how much healing she needs, yet desperate for the love she says she desires.

Overall, the movie is a good watch. There aren’t many films that center Black love in this way, and I appreciated that. Still, I would have loved a deeper dive into Leah and Jarrod’s healing journey. Not for the sake of another checklist, but for an example of what it actually looks like to move forward after trauma and pain.

Because attracting a healthy, loving relationship requires more than making a list.

It requires knowing what to do after the list is made.